..disappointment

In a time span, how much disappointment can u take? I think all of us have had a fair share of it and gone through the other side just fine. But for me, somehow it feels like the effect lingers. A bad taste in my mouth every time I think about it.

I am not one who forgives and forgets. I do forgive, but unfortunately, I don't forget that easily, not as much as I'd like myself to. So, I've always come out on the other side a little bruised. It'll stay there for a long time. It sometimes comes to a point where I just wished I could start a new life. But then again, that would be dramatic side of me talking. If I could explain it better, it'd be this graph:
At first, life was smooth sailing and things were looking up, I was on top of the world. And then one disappointment came, and I fell down. As I was climbing to the state where I was before, another one came. Slowly, it'll take longer to recover and I'm just afraid that one day, it just won't anymore. Is that possible?

Ah well, what a bleak entry. It happens when you have a big fat ugly final exam looming over your head. It sorts of makes people feel a little depressed. I guess, I just have to hang on to what Rocky said:

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!" --Rocky Balboa

--Cheers--

...new toy

o0o0o0ohh... doesn't the title sound mildly intriguing? hehe...

My brain is not working due to the rain this morning, hence instead of studying in library (which is what I've planned to do), I'm blogging. I blame it on the rain that fell on my head, dampening my brain.

Anyway, I'm excited excited excited. Finally I have something else to look forward to besides the impending MSAT exam. I can't wait for the arrival of my new toy... MY NEW DESKTOP!! I just purchased a new computer from Dell yesterday after weeks of haggling for a lower price. Yes.. I sorta play hard to get to make the guy lower the price. Yes, why a desktop, you may ask.. Cz I don't even bring my laptop around now, I'm pretty sure when I am an intern, I won't need to bring one around either and for the price for an OK laptop, I would get a better component for a desktop.

So, this is what my desktop would have: 2.3GHz Intel Duo Core processor, 3GB RAM, 250 GB hard-disk, 22" monitor, integrated sound blaster sound card, integrated wireless card and 3 year 24/7 tech help and accidental cover. Basically, I could leave my desktop outside in the rain and claim for warranty for 'accident'. Muahahaha... Fine, it probably isn't that simple...

I decided to buy the computer now since Aussie dollar is down and computer is no longer tax-deductible. So, I might as well use my student discount and buy it now. Why dell, you say? As much as I don't trust the brand, it is the most economical of all computer and the 3 year warranty enticed me. Let's look at it this way, I am sort of computer blind. If my computer goes haywire, I get VERY upset. So I look at the 3 year warranty as a godsend. Plus, how bad can Dell be, right? All the hospital in Australia is using Dell and I'll be damned if anybody using it (the doctors, nurses, med students), not including the tech people, actually takes care of it, and it's still working fine despite being turned on almost 24/7.

So, my order has gone through and my credit card has been charged. And in 2 week time, I shall have my 22" monitor!!!! hehehehe... (I was tempted to get the 24" one but I'm afraid I'll go blind. hehehe...)

..reality

I've just been smacked across the face by reality. Unknowingly, while you are going about your daily mundane activity, thinking how fun it is if I was on holiday, partying and stuff, mindlessly scrolling through facebook, looking at people's profile status change and pictures, when WHAM!! My secondary school friend just posted a picture of her second child. WHAT THE @&$^#*@! Don't get me wrong. I couldn't be happier for her. I haven't talked to her since I moved away from Penang. In my mind, she is still the tomboy girl that used to be in Taekwondo club with me and she kicked ass btw!

I admire her, really. To take such a leap must be scary. Okay, fine.. it couldn't be a random leap where she just decided to get married and have kids. The reason I'm so shocked to my core (I had palpitation, mind you!!) is that we are of the same age!! How can somebody my own age be so mature? (With the exception to Sarah, maybe. That aunty is engaged, btw). I'm rambling now. Let me try to put it in more concise point form:
1. My last worry was how to organise a suprise birthday party for Adrian last Saturday. Her worry is to get through her labour and give birth to a beautiful baby safely.
2. The thought of getting married and having kids sends chills down my spine. The only thing on her thoughts was missing her first child that she had to leave at home while she's in the hospital GIVING BIRTH TO SECOND ONE!!
3. I still feel like a child, fully dependent on my parents. Unsure of my future and right now, i just know that I have to pass my final exam. I don't even wanna know what she has in her mind at the moment.

How can somebody be so sure? How can somebody my own age be so mature? Is it normal for me to freak out like this? I can deal with my batchmate being older than me and having kids and stuff. But that's because they are mostly 28 years old and above!! Maybe after a birthday, I'd miraculously become mature and motherly? *fingers crossed*

Next update: pictures from adrian's b'day. I'm quite proud of what I planned. hehehe..